Priceless in Brighton

Scenario: Emma's boyfriend the lovable and intrepid Shin has finally touched down in town and we are on a big family outing at the beach

View: Watching the West Pier crumble into glittering gold, wishing it was hot enough to swim
Soundtrack: 'Anchor Me' by The Mutton Birds

- Return train ride from London:￡8
- Sun hat that I didn't use anyway: ￡7.99
- Sunscreen that I didn't use and will probably never use in England:￡6.99 two for one
- 3 x Whelks: ￡1.50
- 1 x Roll Mop: ￡3
- Sauce: 5 pence a sachet (for a blob of rotten tomatoes the size of a patch of ant vomit?)
- Pimms: ￡2 a pop (that's alright)
- Salt: free (what?!)
- Watching Tarui San develop Ridiculous Englishness: Absolutely Priceless

Priceless *61

Time is money – Anon.

Time to organize all my paper work when I applied for a UK bank account through my NZ bank manager – 30 minutes
Time for the UK Bank manager to contact me via snail mail requesting for more paper work which they didn’t tell me I had to have – 4 weeks
Time for me to organize the paper work requested via email as I have already left NZ – 2 days
Time for the UK Bank to get back to me with a relevant email address because the previous four addresses I tried to email the paper work to bounced back – 2 weeks
Time I spent in the phone cue to speak to an operator for the UK bank – 25 minutes
Number of people I got transferred to before I got to the right person – 4
Time it took for me to get really pissed off because my paper work can’t be “electronic” and no one specified this – 1 second
Time it took me to convince them to just have a look at it because it really doesn’t need to be an original – 5 minutes
Time for me to take a bus down to a branch to fax over the paper work – 24 minutes
Time I waited in the cue at the branch – 15 minutes
Time the branch person waited in the cue to speak to the person who should be receiving the fax – 21 minutes
Time it took the branch fax machine to turn on – 7 minutes
Number of failed attempt to fax the paperwork – 3
Time I spent in the phone cue waiting to see if they received my fax – 13 minutes
Number of operators I got transferred to before I got to the right person – 2 (which is an improvement)
Time it took for me to get really pissed off because after all this they didn’t receive the fax – 0.5 seconds
Time it took for me to tell them what I thought about all of the above – 6 and a half minutes
Time it took for the branch to find the fax file and refax it – half a day
Time I spent on the phone following up on the above – 25 minutes
Time the UK bank manager spent approving the opening of my account – 2 minutes
Time for my card to arrive at my address – 5 working days later
Time I spent walking to and fro the post office because they didn’t bother ringing the bell for me to sign for it and then it wasn’t there at the post office for me to collect because the postie still had it – 1.5 hours
Time spent at the branch cue to sort out a pin number – 7 minutes
Time at the next cue to sort out a pin number because the first teller “don’t do pins” – 8 minutes
Time for the teller to tell me that my pin has been sent to me already – 4 seconds.
Time for her to realise that its been sent to New Zealand – 15 seconds
Time for me to get really pissed off because why would they send my card to me in London and send my pin to NZ?? – 1 second
Time the teller women spent in her own cue waiting to use the office phone to call those people with the faxes – 12 minutes
Time for the teller women to find forms because “they’re not where they should be” – 5 minutes
Time for me to fill out forms to fix various administration issues – 9 minutes
.. so after all this…
Time to activate a “proper” change of address – 3 days
Time there after to request a new pin and for it to be delivered to me – another 4 or 5 days
Time till my bank account is fully operational – who knows
The cost of the ongoing death of my brain cells – priceless.

Priceless #51

Returned deposit from hotel : +$100 RMB
Book: -$30 RMB
Espresso: -$35 RMB
Busfare to airport: -$4 RMB
Total cash left in China: +$26 RMB
Missed your flight and need to pay for a $60 RMB upgrade?
-- Can't use your Mastercard.

Priceless #45

Homemade packed lunch - 2.50 Euros
Metro ticket - 1 Euro
Spot on the park bench - free
Sponsors hat - free
Sponsors stickers - free
Sponsors drink bottle - free
'Been there done there got the t-shirt' T-shirt - 12 Euros
Front row seat to the Tour de France finale at the shores of the Seine - absolutely priceless

Priceless *3

Ticket to Todra Gorge = 40 dh
Breakfast from supermarket = 6 dh
Motion sickness tablet = 1 AUD a pop
Plastic bag for the local lady next to you just in case she pukes = free
all you can eat Berber paella = 50 dh
Sunscreen = 8 AUD
Sun glasses = 20 NZD
Scarf to keep the sand from flying into your eyes = 5 GBP
Riding on another roofless paddy wagon with equally sandy and sweaty people = absolutely priceless

Happy Pizza

- large beer lao = 1.20 USD
- khmer style noodle soup = 1 USD
- 2 slices happy pizza = 2 USD
- 1 container of fruit for your room mate who has diahorrea (most likely from eating grasshopper the night before) = 2000 riels
- tip for happy staff = 200 riels
- winter melon(coly) tea = 1 USD
- view of the Mekong River rolling by = free
- 2 beroccas in the morning = 40 baht
- being mindblowingly happy for 8 hours in Phnom Pehn = absolutely priceless