Back In Town

Canberra.

Nothing's changed here. I slip in so well. Know where to turn left and right, where to buy bread and coffee. Betsy the dog down the street still comes to say Hi when I walk past, the lady with the silver bob on the 36 bus still gets off on the same stop, same little girl at the supermarket checkout asking the same questions.

Maybe because nothing's changed that I've noticed how much I have changed. I observe and notice things I never used to think about. I just feel different.

My conversations with people are more relaxed, I am much happier, and I would like to think that I am now a more likable person. For the first time in a long time, I'm finally feeling comfortable with who I am. I still have no idea where life will take me, but I'm no longer frustrated by that fact.

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I help Mish and Peter clean the Wakefield House. We play Crowded House on the ipod, dance with broom sticks, tease Shane. Every room is empty, the beautiful polished timber floor glistening, the blinds flatter in the breeze. I walk around and can hear a pin drop. Remembering the spot on the ceiling I starred at one morning when I woke up feeling I was in love with the person next to me; the spot where I walked into Mish's room and she was rolled up in bed sobbing inconsolably; the spot I was standing when Stace told me she was pregnant; the spot where Li Bing hurled a bucket load of rotten cabbage across the fence; the spot I was sitting when I heard the car crash in the corner, and many many more moments...

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Kylie and I drink champagne and eat smoked salmon; roll around on the couch giggling & screaming; we talk about seemingly classy things like Veronika Maine, paintings, feathers, and seemingly unclassy things like farting, roast pork, and masturbation. We make prank calls, again.

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Pip invites me to an end of year cocktail party with young beautiful people at KittyKirk's. I terrorise the party with my usual superb form. Back in town for one minute and already ripping it apart. I AM terrible.

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I sit across the table from Louise, having mussels and chips at the Belgium Beer Pub in Kingston. She is glowing with happiness, big shining Jordanian rock on her ring finger, Shane in her arms, sneaky little smirk on his face. If there's one good thing I'd done in my life, this would be it.
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I see MzOki, shak'in that ass, shak'in that ass; JC's back in the office; 'afterwork' drinks at KingO's; Bailey's Corner is alive and kicking right here right now!

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I walk inside the house and up the stairs. Shiner is not there to greet me with his ripping howl and a big warm cuddle. I scroll across his photos on the ipod instead. Its very sad, but it was probably his time. I'll probably never finish The Adventures of Sexton the Cat, but I know he's partying up large in the clouds with Milly, Cupes, Spike and all those ghastly goldfish, in a shiny new coat. They all have wings.
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I kiss Alice's gorgeous big belly. She suits being pregnant and Chris suits being asleep. I am sooo happy.

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I see Regan at Walk Against Warming. She completely suits being a mum. Little Vivi is the most gorgeous baby I've seen in a long long time. Go bananas!

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I saw the most beautiful night sky I've ever seen in my life. Big call I know. But I am sure. It had stopped raining 20 minutes earlier, the sky is clearing up framed with thin wads of cloud. A light clear aura tinting it, it looked like a deep fresh lake. Its not a night full of stars, but of what is visible, they were sparkling and tingling slowly changing colours into blue and orange, like tears. The sky from the Sahara desert was stunning and magnificent in a grand bold way - but this, is beautiful. The air was crispy and spiced with smell of wet bark. I've been in so much smog and grey weather and small spaces in the last little while, I forgot what it was like to be surrounded by unspoilt nature. It took my breath away and I began to cry.

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I am secretly sexy.

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