Boarders Hall of Fame - by Victoria
Keiko 1993 - Japanese girl, language student, very shy and obedient but managed to take home a rich Jewish man. She was so clean and respectful. She was so slim and gentle and walked like a real lady. Wonderful girl, just wonderful. Sends me tea in a pretty jar, little individually wrapped sweets in pretty little boxes, tiny strings of paper cranes of pretty colours and pictures of her baby. She invites me to stay with her in Japan all the time, no one of my boarders can ever be the same. From then on I only take Japanese girls. Or those close enough.
Rie 1999 - Japanese girl, air hostess, perfect hair and make up, very slim. Caught the Heathrow Express home every three days or so. I never saw her all year, we hardly ever spoke. And then I invited her to my millennium New Years Eve Party, so she gets me very drunk in the afternoon before the guests got here, so of course I was passed out. She didn't even bother to wake me up when they all arrived, and then they ate all the food and drank all the wine while I was asleep in the bedroom. When I woke up at 4am there were only chicken bones and empty wine bottles on the floor and she was giggling away in a ball gown with two of my friends. Oh my God I was Mad! Did she not have the brain to wake me up? It was the most important evening of the entire millennium!!
Kumiko 2001 - Japanese girl, theatre manager. Very melodramatic. She was always singing some awful music and reciting something. I think she might be schzisophrenic. She learnt to speak fluent Italian from me in only three months, I am a good teacher. She flushed a sanitary pad down the toilet and costed me 600 pounds to fix it. The bloody thing.
Hae-Jyoo 2007 - Korean girl, fashion designer, sharp dresser. Had so many gay boyfriends I can't count with my hands and feet combined. She was on a disgusting dried fish diet. She boiled these dried fish and squid so hard that it stank out my house for three days. Even the neighbours complained to me. My GOD it was AWFUL!! I banned her from going into the kitchen after that.
WaWa 2008 - Taiwanese girl from New Zealand. She was a bit unruly and had some really strange ideas. Very very outgoing, a party animal, she was never home. I can't make her sit down for one second before she is off again. I need to teach her how to be more classy. I wish she didn't have big long black hairs that fell on my sparkly shiny white bathroom floor, otherwise she would be perfect. She broke every rule I had, especially the number 1 rule. She didn't know that I knew she broke it within the first three weeks. But let by-gones be by-gones. Oh boy it will be so boring without her.
Keiko 1993 - Japanese girl, language student, very shy and obedient but managed to take home a rich Jewish man. She was so clean and respectful. She was so slim and gentle and walked like a real lady. Wonderful girl, just wonderful. Sends me tea in a pretty jar, little individually wrapped sweets in pretty little boxes, tiny strings of paper cranes of pretty colours and pictures of her baby. She invites me to stay with her in Japan all the time, no one of my boarders can ever be the same. From then on I only take Japanese girls. Or those close enough.
Rie 1999 - Japanese girl, air hostess, perfect hair and make up, very slim. Caught the Heathrow Express home every three days or so. I never saw her all year, we hardly ever spoke. And then I invited her to my millennium New Years Eve Party, so she gets me very drunk in the afternoon before the guests got here, so of course I was passed out. She didn't even bother to wake me up when they all arrived, and then they ate all the food and drank all the wine while I was asleep in the bedroom. When I woke up at 4am there were only chicken bones and empty wine bottles on the floor and she was giggling away in a ball gown with two of my friends. Oh my God I was Mad! Did she not have the brain to wake me up? It was the most important evening of the entire millennium!!
Kumiko 2001 - Japanese girl, theatre manager. Very melodramatic. She was always singing some awful music and reciting something. I think she might be schzisophrenic. She learnt to speak fluent Italian from me in only three months, I am a good teacher. She flushed a sanitary pad down the toilet and costed me 600 pounds to fix it. The bloody thing.
Hae-Jyoo 2007 - Korean girl, fashion designer, sharp dresser. Had so many gay boyfriends I can't count with my hands and feet combined. She was on a disgusting dried fish diet. She boiled these dried fish and squid so hard that it stank out my house for three days. Even the neighbours complained to me. My GOD it was AWFUL!! I banned her from going into the kitchen after that.
WaWa 2008 - Taiwanese girl from New Zealand. She was a bit unruly and had some really strange ideas. Very very outgoing, a party animal, she was never home. I can't make her sit down for one second before she is off again. I need to teach her how to be more classy. I wish she didn't have big long black hairs that fell on my sparkly shiny white bathroom floor, otherwise she would be perfect. She broke every rule I had, especially the number 1 rule. She didn't know that I knew she broke it within the first three weeks. But let by-gones be by-gones. Oh boy it will be so boring without her.
......................................................
Flatmates Hall of Fame - by WaWa
No. 12 (House 3 - Wellington 2000) Over-board Politically Correct vegan militant activist. But he was man enough to cry. Punished me for buying non-organic tomatoes for a dollar a bag. Pissed on our vege patch for natural plant nutrition enhancement. Made me greet him and all our house guests in Maori despite the fact that none of us were Maori. Not that I minded greeting in Maori, its just that I hate anything that's compulsory. He had a twin brother, and almost all his friends were either twins of half of a set of twins. Quite bizarre. When his girlfriend stayed over they would bang four times a night, with our lopsided house shaking and the uneven wooden floorboards screeching like mad. I feared for my life.
No. 18 (House 6: Wellington 2002) Part time racing car driver, full time Lord of the Rings crew type lad. Keeper of the illegally fitted warehouse which up to 8 of us lived in at a time. Had a van which the local red light district girls named 'The Love Boat'. Always covered in some sort of mud (him, not the van, which he kept in a pristine condition). Drank at the Sports Cafe and scored loads of chicks that resembled Chloe of Wainuiomata that really did sound like lap dogs when they banged, but complained ferociously if any one else brought a loud screw home.
No. 24 & 25 (House 6: Wellington 2003) Adorable Scottish lesbians that lied about their age and professions and sexual orientation just so they could live with us. Of course we all found out the dirty truth within 3 days and made them clean the house so we won't hand them over to the Christian Heritage Party. Banged each other all day all night, drank awful cask wine, never understood a single word either of them said, except "Gangsta". Went off driving around NZ in a $300 car. Never saw them again after that.
No. 35 (House 10: Canberra 2004) Young croupier at the local casino who slept during the day and biked to work at 10pm. She had a long distant open relationship with a magician on a cruise ship. Sweet tooth - was addicted to fat and sugar, she had the unhealthiest food like baked marshmallow pie and triple chocolate jam sandwiches. She had a terrible penchant for snatching the virginity off 20 something IT geeks (5 of them in the 3 months she lived with us).
No. 44 (House 12: Canberra 2005) Gentle well-meant Chinese PhD student. Once he hurled a bucketful of rotten cabbage across the fence into the neighbour's garden. My other flatmate took him over to apologise. On another occasion he called me fat and told me to stop eating at a dinner party. My other flatmate made him apologise to me too, I felt a bit bad when he seriously realised that he had broken a social taboo. He borrowed a hair trimming kit from a friend once and asked me to cut his hair for him - I turned it down several times because I honestly can't even trim my own nails properly let alone cut some one else's hair. But he was so insistent, so I did and the result was a mixture between Nobita Kun from Doraemon and Bart Simpson. He was quite sweet with a childlike innocence and so animated, that I have no doubt one of the Olympics Friendlies was based on him. To our relief he never had any sex as far as I know, as his fiance was waiting for him back home. Oohhh~~.
No. 50 - (House 14: London 2008) Crazy eccentric lonely old woman who have had a very interesting life growing up in Ethiopia and Italy. Her life sounded like a thriller novel, but I think the trauma and ups and downs she has experiences going from riches to rags to riches again has really done her head in. She needs to learn to relax a little and think about issues from other people's perspectives, because no one else is ever right. I just couldn't stand the double standards she has. Apart from being a bit overboard about how clean the bathroom should be, she was quite paranoid about security, so apart from the apartment door card, she has three locks on her door, plus a latch, plus she leaves one of the keys inside the key hole, and then she also locks her bedroom door at night. I am just hoping I am never trapped in here during a fire!! But we had a lot of fun together, I loved her food and she was always feeding me interesting things. She had a fantastic shisha as well and we smoked a lot of apple tobacco together. If she let go of some of those emotional baggage I think life will be much more beautiful for her. Relax man! She claimed she had not had sex in 13 years, but I can't count the number of times I've noticed female friends sharing her bed after a hard core drinking session. One time one of them 'mistook my bedroom as the bathroom' - rivetting experience at 5 o'clock in the morning. Maybe she's a dark horse after all.
No. 12 (House 3 - Wellington 2000) Over-board Politically Correct vegan militant activist. But he was man enough to cry. Punished me for buying non-organic tomatoes for a dollar a bag. Pissed on our vege patch for natural plant nutrition enhancement. Made me greet him and all our house guests in Maori despite the fact that none of us were Maori. Not that I minded greeting in Maori, its just that I hate anything that's compulsory. He had a twin brother, and almost all his friends were either twins of half of a set of twins. Quite bizarre. When his girlfriend stayed over they would bang four times a night, with our lopsided house shaking and the uneven wooden floorboards screeching like mad. I feared for my life.
No. 18 (House 6: Wellington 2002) Part time racing car driver, full time Lord of the Rings crew type lad. Keeper of the illegally fitted warehouse which up to 8 of us lived in at a time. Had a van which the local red light district girls named 'The Love Boat'. Always covered in some sort of mud (him, not the van, which he kept in a pristine condition). Drank at the Sports Cafe and scored loads of chicks that resembled Chloe of Wainuiomata that really did sound like lap dogs when they banged, but complained ferociously if any one else brought a loud screw home.
No. 24 & 25 (House 6: Wellington 2003) Adorable Scottish lesbians that lied about their age and professions and sexual orientation just so they could live with us. Of course we all found out the dirty truth within 3 days and made them clean the house so we won't hand them over to the Christian Heritage Party. Banged each other all day all night, drank awful cask wine, never understood a single word either of them said, except "Gangsta". Went off driving around NZ in a $300 car. Never saw them again after that.
No. 35 (House 10: Canberra 2004) Young croupier at the local casino who slept during the day and biked to work at 10pm. She had a long distant open relationship with a magician on a cruise ship. Sweet tooth - was addicted to fat and sugar, she had the unhealthiest food like baked marshmallow pie and triple chocolate jam sandwiches. She had a terrible penchant for snatching the virginity off 20 something IT geeks (5 of them in the 3 months she lived with us).
No. 44 (House 12: Canberra 2005) Gentle well-meant Chinese PhD student. Once he hurled a bucketful of rotten cabbage across the fence into the neighbour's garden. My other flatmate took him over to apologise. On another occasion he called me fat and told me to stop eating at a dinner party. My other flatmate made him apologise to me too, I felt a bit bad when he seriously realised that he had broken a social taboo. He borrowed a hair trimming kit from a friend once and asked me to cut his hair for him - I turned it down several times because I honestly can't even trim my own nails properly let alone cut some one else's hair. But he was so insistent, so I did and the result was a mixture between Nobita Kun from Doraemon and Bart Simpson. He was quite sweet with a childlike innocence and so animated, that I have no doubt one of the Olympics Friendlies was based on him. To our relief he never had any sex as far as I know, as his fiance was waiting for him back home. Oohhh~~.
No. 50 - (House 14: London 2008) Crazy eccentric lonely old woman who have had a very interesting life growing up in Ethiopia and Italy. Her life sounded like a thriller novel, but I think the trauma and ups and downs she has experiences going from riches to rags to riches again has really done her head in. She needs to learn to relax a little and think about issues from other people's perspectives, because no one else is ever right. I just couldn't stand the double standards she has. Apart from being a bit overboard about how clean the bathroom should be, she was quite paranoid about security, so apart from the apartment door card, she has three locks on her door, plus a latch, plus she leaves one of the keys inside the key hole, and then she also locks her bedroom door at night. I am just hoping I am never trapped in here during a fire!! But we had a lot of fun together, I loved her food and she was always feeding me interesting things. She had a fantastic shisha as well and we smoked a lot of apple tobacco together. If she let go of some of those emotional baggage I think life will be much more beautiful for her. Relax man! She claimed she had not had sex in 13 years, but I can't count the number of times I've noticed female friends sharing her bed after a hard core drinking session. One time one of them 'mistook my bedroom as the bathroom' - rivetting experience at 5 o'clock in the morning. Maybe she's a dark horse after all.
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