Folks, folks, folks...
There are many excuses for my long absence from the world wide web so I thought I'd do a quick bulletin for those of you out of loop.
TEMPLETON (important news)
- has been posted to Bangladesh and he's leaving tomorrow. MAAADDDD!!
I guess its taken me a little while to really face it... It is really quite overwhelming.
TEMPLETON (normal news)
- his mum and dad had been back for a month and we had a pretty cool time hanging out.
- still keeps cutting his hair short
- still sings in the shower & speak french in his sleep
WAWA (me)
- has quit her job and going to do a bit of travelling before she go to Bangladesh to visit Templeton. Maybe. Leaving at Easter and not coming back.
-suffering from insomia
-still going mad slowly
SHINER
- is his old funny self but is getting a new Daddy in the form of T's cousin Ian who will be moving into the house and be in Canberra doing a PhD in geosommink.
- he did have a bit of hiccup with an ear infection, during which he constantly walked into walls. He has now recovered and hearing has gotten much better than before he had an infection, he's even straightening his ears at the sound of mice. (different story altogether)
- he has (had) a new little brother called Benny, a stuffed cat animal that looks just like him but 5 sizes smaller, whom I stole from an unborn child. (what you don't know won't hurt you). Unfortunately and mysteriously Benny disappeared the day that Templeton's mum left to go back overseas, so we are postering all over the neighbourhood and major airports to have him back.
-also rehearsing madly for the next Operatunity auditions.
BRAND NEW IPOD which revoluntionalised my life for a very brief moment
- lost
(onboard a flight from Brisbane in the care of the QANTAS check-in luggage security staff, scanned by a machine and dirty hands made dirty hands more unclean, no one at QANTAS or the Australian Federal Police, ACT Police or QLD police willing to help me after 15+ phone calls)
DRIVING IN L'S WORLD
- is shit! Ron has had a heart attack two final reviews short of passing me. The next instructor, whom I am seriously considering naming, was a total dickhead who admitted at the end of the lesson that his "bad mood" was due to "personal problems" and apologised for being unprofessional to me. Great, where's my money back?? The next next instructor is taking me out on Friday and I will be extremely PIIISSSSEEEEDDD off is he is the fourth accredited arsehole I've come across in the last six months.
- I am two weeks away from my 27th birthday and I am scraping the very bottom of my bank account to get these Ps. Urrrhhh--- life....
PETER & MISH
- got married on Saturday in Melbourne at Peter's parent's beautiful farm out in Narrawarren.
- I drove from Wodonga to Melbourne on my L plates as in NSW you could only do 80kph. Man smashing in that cruise control was fan bloody tastic. No kangaroos or wombats were hurt in the exercise.
- basically the weekend was debaucherously and rediculously fantastic thanks to those sexy and unsober melbournians. I LOVE MELBOURNE!
- Ha, I even bumped into my old supervisor from the hotel i worked in in wgtn 01-02. He's now working at a cafe on burnswick st which we happend to have breaky at on Sunday - small yet mad world. WHO'S SERV'N WHO'S COFFEE NOW HUH??!!!
MY OTHER MATES
- are all buying me copious amount of drinks to make sure I am coping with the fact that my bloke's gone to the jungle for the year. I love friends!!
MAGPIES
- yep, good. fat. musical.
GOLDFISH & SNAILS
- passed away one by one. I knew i should have had a prenup agreement with T when we bought that tank!!
OTHER SOCIAL STUFF
- Had a mad Lunar New Year Party in feb, followed by hosting 4 other dinner parties in the space of a month
- Also in the last little while went to a Sarah Blasko concert, a DJ Krush concert, a Feuler's concert, KEATING! the Musical, a three year old's birthday party, the Taiwanese Film Festival, the Pamela Denoon lecture, and about to go to a Baby Shower this weekend.
- I am considering joining rehab but before that I will have the biggest friken birthday-farewell party this town has ever seen. See you all next next Saturday in your very delicious best.
Reading: Keiran Desai's The Inheritance of Loss ; Lonely Planet Bangladesh; Lonley Planet Europe on a Shoe String
Listening: Regina Spektor
~Brave new world about to dawn~
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
L's World: my new best friend
Meet A Aaron, my ACT accredited driving instrucor. Actually he's just Ron. He put three "A"s infront of his name and turns himself into A Aaron so that he's the first man to be listed on the yellow pages under "driving instructor". Except other companies have ways and money to get much further ahead than him and he was in fact the 21st company I rang.
I gave up on the original company after the instructor's car happened to burn out three times right before my lesson, and failed to nominate any one else. Plus I still have a grudge against the wanker that gave me the first lesson in September. This is one of those moments when you've gotta bless the free market. Ron turns out to be 5% cheaper than every one else and he could fix me a lesson in less than 12 hours. * bleeuuurrrrpppp ***!! This car burn out thing turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Ron is like AliG. He wears a tracksuit, basketball shoes, blingblings on his fingers and more bling blings on the side of his sunnies. He chain smokes and sounds like donald duck. He makes a cross infront of his chest after completing the lesson just for the effect. Against all odds he is actually a bloody fantastic teacher. He drills me and doesn't give up on me just cos I've just almost killed three old ladies on the foot path. I already know how to chase baddies on the high way like the UK police and I know which embassy buys which kind of cars. He has an instruction stick and a brain so sharp that every time I cut a corner I know to laugh awkwardly. And I am doing perfect right angle parks like there's no tomorrow. I know this sounds crazy, and Templeton is bracing himself, but I am now rendered competent in 12 out of 22 competencies - woo hoo!!
Ron - my new best friend.
I gave up on the original company after the instructor's car happened to burn out three times right before my lesson, and failed to nominate any one else. Plus I still have a grudge against the wanker that gave me the first lesson in September. This is one of those moments when you've gotta bless the free market. Ron turns out to be 5% cheaper than every one else and he could fix me a lesson in less than 12 hours. * bleeuuurrrrpppp ***!! This car burn out thing turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
Ron is like AliG. He wears a tracksuit, basketball shoes, blingblings on his fingers and more bling blings on the side of his sunnies. He chain smokes and sounds like donald duck. He makes a cross infront of his chest after completing the lesson just for the effect. Against all odds he is actually a bloody fantastic teacher. He drills me and doesn't give up on me just cos I've just almost killed three old ladies on the foot path. I already know how to chase baddies on the high way like the UK police and I know which embassy buys which kind of cars. He has an instruction stick and a brain so sharp that every time I cut a corner I know to laugh awkwardly. And I am doing perfect right angle parks like there's no tomorrow. I know this sounds crazy, and Templeton is bracing himself, but I am now rendered competent in 12 out of 22 competencies - woo hoo!!
Ron - my new best friend.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Happy UnAustralian Day
Celebrating some one else's birthday is like celebrating your unbirthday, hey, just as fun and still get all the trimmings!
So anyway on my UnAustralian Day I saved a tortoise from being run over between Michalego and Tharwa, and enjoyed a very long lunch with multicultural guests in a green-energy powered chalet and even had a dip in then river that didn't disappear after all.
Happy happy happy. (not referring to you, John)
All that flag bullshit
Can't help m'self but to put in my five cents worth.
This whole Big Day Out thing hasn't turned out to be as bad as I thought, I recon. Yes the Big Day Out team was a little bit stupid not to predict the obvious backlash they're going to get by simply targetting the wrong thing. Its not the Australian Flag per se that's the problem its the hoolagans that misuse it to mascarade racism under patrioticism. Now that they're allowing the australian flag back in, at least people are treating the flag a lot more responsibly intentionally and are starting to question some of the current attitudes about national pride/racial tolerance/what the flag really means.
I'm not really qualified to tell Australians how their flags should be used, but personally for me national flags no matter which nationality, whether your own or others, should be respected and all that jazz, its a symbol of a nation's pride so if you're not in a proud state (ie. drunk or high or in the mood for mulsim-bashing) you shouldn't go around draping it around your shoulder. As far as I'm concerned, unless you've just won the 400m dash at the Commonwealth Games or something equivalent, sorry, not good enough for that. The irony is that, the person who actually won the above mentioned race chose to drape herself in the aboriginal flag instead and got completely crusified by the same mob that was also pretty upset three days ago. Such culturally embracing good sportsmenship.
And what does patriotism mean anyway? I'd say it sits on a Kensey Scale and can be up to no good at each end. Not only can it be interpreted/used/ taken as , as the case shows, into all sorts of other quite not so nice things, such as racism, pig headed nationalism, zenophobia, monarchirism, conservatism, and the likes, and then further picked up by the next Pauline Hanson and snowball into the mess as it is like the BDO saga. Just look at the line up of pollies we had coming out to give the BDO people a good slapp'n.
Even so, forgetting all the above, I question how relevant patrioticism is to Australia today anyway. Australia's not at war with any other nation (ah remember terrorism isn't a country or a person or an organisation?? not even an idea??) not invading anyone, not being invaded, not being threatened by economic sanction, no one's "defecting" on a jetplane, not being dumped from an international organisation, being sued, etc etc. (Being beaten at a sport doesn't count). I just don't think "loving your nation" is particularly relevant when it doesn't actually need your love. Plenty of people to take your place if you want to bugger off somewhere else. Patriotism played its part in different nation's history and times when national unity and pride needs to be ramped up by upstairs because a nation or its nationhood is underthreat. Like when Europe's countries are underthreat by fascism, or if the Mongols are trying to get over the wall, or Napoleon's trying to cross the snow... Now its like if you're Taiwanese, or Tibetan, or Greenlander, or Quebecan (or Quebecer?? Quebequai)... except you're loving a country that no one else knows exists... MY POINT IS, YOU'RE FUCKING LUCKY TO BE HERE - DON'T RUB IT IN!
Tears aside, I tend to agree with Tim Flannery in his fantastic interview on ABC on Thursday night - why don't Australians feel affinity to each other via the land they share, the very thing that nurtures life on this continent? why define Australian with shit like meat pie and man from snowy river, which is totally irrelevant to vegetarians and any one who lives north of the Victorian border. Or women. And how many Australian flags you managed to tattoo on yourself just so you could go to the concert.
This whole Big Day Out thing hasn't turned out to be as bad as I thought, I recon. Yes the Big Day Out team was a little bit stupid not to predict the obvious backlash they're going to get by simply targetting the wrong thing. Its not the Australian Flag per se that's the problem its the hoolagans that misuse it to mascarade racism under patrioticism. Now that they're allowing the australian flag back in, at least people are treating the flag a lot more responsibly intentionally and are starting to question some of the current attitudes about national pride/racial tolerance/what the flag really means.
I'm not really qualified to tell Australians how their flags should be used, but personally for me national flags no matter which nationality, whether your own or others, should be respected and all that jazz, its a symbol of a nation's pride so if you're not in a proud state (ie. drunk or high or in the mood for mulsim-bashing) you shouldn't go around draping it around your shoulder. As far as I'm concerned, unless you've just won the 400m dash at the Commonwealth Games or something equivalent, sorry, not good enough for that. The irony is that, the person who actually won the above mentioned race chose to drape herself in the aboriginal flag instead and got completely crusified by the same mob that was also pretty upset three days ago. Such culturally embracing good sportsmenship.
And what does patriotism mean anyway? I'd say it sits on a Kensey Scale and can be up to no good at each end. Not only can it be interpreted/used/ taken as , as the case shows, into all sorts of other quite not so nice things, such as racism, pig headed nationalism, zenophobia, monarchirism, conservatism, and the likes, and then further picked up by the next Pauline Hanson and snowball into the mess as it is like the BDO saga. Just look at the line up of pollies we had coming out to give the BDO people a good slapp'n.
Even so, forgetting all the above, I question how relevant patrioticism is to Australia today anyway. Australia's not at war with any other nation (ah remember terrorism isn't a country or a person or an organisation?? not even an idea??) not invading anyone, not being invaded, not being threatened by economic sanction, no one's "defecting" on a jetplane, not being dumped from an international organisation, being sued, etc etc. (Being beaten at a sport doesn't count). I just don't think "loving your nation" is particularly relevant when it doesn't actually need your love. Plenty of people to take your place if you want to bugger off somewhere else. Patriotism played its part in different nation's history and times when national unity and pride needs to be ramped up by upstairs because a nation or its nationhood is underthreat. Like when Europe's countries are underthreat by fascism, or if the Mongols are trying to get over the wall, or Napoleon's trying to cross the snow... Now its like if you're Taiwanese, or Tibetan, or Greenlander, or Quebecan (or Quebecer?? Quebequai)... except you're loving a country that no one else knows exists... MY POINT IS, YOU'RE FUCKING LUCKY TO BE HERE - DON'T RUB IT IN!
Tears aside, I tend to agree with Tim Flannery in his fantastic interview on ABC on Thursday night - why don't Australians feel affinity to each other via the land they share, the very thing that nurtures life on this continent? why define Australian with shit like meat pie and man from snowy river, which is totally irrelevant to vegetarians and any one who lives north of the Victorian border. Or women. And how many Australian flags you managed to tattoo on yourself just so you could go to the concert.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Brisbane Jan 07
Alcohol ads are allowed here - Bundaberg - chasing moving lights - dazzling - efficient - gosh last time I was here I saw meter maids - hot - ice creams - junk shops for tourists - kool with a k - lavish - museum is nice - nourishing korean cold noodle soup - om da dee da dee da dee om da dee dai - pathetic coffee though - queer ppl live here too - river which cuts it in half is beautiful esp from the air - sexy; sexier than i thought - tough too - us - vanity - we are family - xtatic with an x- yeah nah - ZAAP!!
and guess who I bloody saw there!!
Saturday, January 13, 2007
L's World: Tragedy Always Strikes Twice
In actual fact my driving is going fantastically well. I think anyway. Nevermind the occasional gasps of my passengers when I change lanes without REALLY looking behind me. On 28 December 2006 I officially passed the six month, mark of retaining an L's plate, and can formally attempt for my Ps.
Things went pear shaped with the 1973 VW Beetle I was suppose to purchase from Brother-Out-Law, and I have decided that the best way to rush this P thing through is to go for it in automatic. Anyway Templeton has been taking me out in his auto quite a lot just whenever we go out, and I have been doing up to 110kph and finding most maneouver a lot easier than before, um, except for parking.
Upon returning from NZ, I took the auto out again and during a long parking practice session in a small carpark on Tuesday. After not having enough airing by being on the road with proper speed, the poor old thing over heated (in disgust). Smoke was coming out and Templeton and I had to flee the car (in a blockbuster movie kinda manner) just in case it really blows up. It proceeded to gush disparingly and spew green absenth colour liquid from the bottom. End of Auto.
This morning I was meant to have my first lesson in the auto with a registered instructor so I could get my fricking Ps out the way. Unfortunately her car broke down as well due to overheating (las september same company's manual instructor's one also broke down and I got a replacement one in the form of the most patronising wanker I know). Fan-bloody-tastic. Though the local rag did report yesterday being the 3rd hottest day in January recorded in Canberra, apparently 40.2 c at around 3pm. Sheesh. The poor cat has his belly against the floor and all fours spread like a frog, and not meowed since 11am.
p.s. Templeton's trusty machenic fixed his auto but it is now in Queensland with his parents. Still no Ps.
Things went pear shaped with the 1973 VW Beetle I was suppose to purchase from Brother-Out-Law, and I have decided that the best way to rush this P thing through is to go for it in automatic. Anyway Templeton has been taking me out in his auto quite a lot just whenever we go out, and I have been doing up to 110kph and finding most maneouver a lot easier than before, um, except for parking.
Upon returning from NZ, I took the auto out again and during a long parking practice session in a small carpark on Tuesday. After not having enough airing by being on the road with proper speed, the poor old thing over heated (in disgust). Smoke was coming out and Templeton and I had to flee the car (in a blockbuster movie kinda manner) just in case it really blows up. It proceeded to gush disparingly and spew green absenth colour liquid from the bottom. End of Auto.
This morning I was meant to have my first lesson in the auto with a registered instructor so I could get my fricking Ps out the way. Unfortunately her car broke down as well due to overheating (las september same company's manual instructor's one also broke down and I got a replacement one in the form of the most patronising wanker I know). Fan-bloody-tastic. Though the local rag did report yesterday being the 3rd hottest day in January recorded in Canberra, apparently 40.2 c at around 3pm. Sheesh. The poor cat has his belly against the floor and all fours spread like a frog, and not meowed since 11am.
p.s. Templeton's trusty machenic fixed his auto but it is now in Queensland with his parents. Still no Ps.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Roaming New Zealand
I loved showing off NZ to Templeton, and
apart from the very wet New Years we had a bloody fabulous time roaming around the North Island and catching up with m'mates.Photos: Mt Ruapehu; Waitomo Caves; Craters of the Moon - Taupo; ouside Wellington City Gallery; My cuz Coco on horsey near Raglan; With Braedon and Kathryn at our rained out New Years pad...; With Emma in Wanganui; Waterlilies at Botanical Gardens in Wellington; Shivering at Craters of the Moon; Auckland Sky Tower
Friday, December 29, 2006
Tiwi Xmas
Our Tiwi Xmas started off with collecting cockles on Raglan Beach, bush walk at Bridal Vail Falls, then dinner with my parents mates the acupuncture doctor and the writer, and then Montieths by the rolling river. Some things can not be more perfect.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Its a tradition
that I post a blog at the forever gracious Sydney International Airport. Somethings never change, like the cakey makeup of the perfume ladies, the grumpy crowd behind the late boarding signal with their pre-wrapped xmas presents, the five year old tape of the dreary security announcement, and I seem to be coming back here year after year after year. As always, ROCK ON e-portals and sushi!! Happy holidays everyone. FB.
p.s. in the mean time here's an epilogue of a merry little Christmas we had night before...
p.s. in the mean time here's an epilogue of a merry little Christmas we had night before...
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Blinking #7
Things starting with B seems to be dominating the Baroness's agenda this week. She is down with bronchitis and suffering a bit from office burn out, and this song called Bridal Train by the Waifs made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Try it. http://www.thewaifs.com/Albums.htm
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Canoe Trip Kangaroo Valley
Kangroo Valley canoe trip - the surprise mystery weekend I've been enticing Templeton for months.
On the first day we stopped over at Fitzroy Falls where we spotted a beautiful Lyall Bird, and stayed the night in the township of Berry at the Bunyip Inn which was very Victorianly gorgeous, follwed by breaky at the bakery round the corner.
Second day we hired the canoes and extra camping gear from Kangaroo Safaris - they dropped us off at a bank on Lake Yarrunga (yep, still there!!) the catchment which supplies Sydney with water, where we canoed downstream and camped over night finishing off at Tallowa Dam on the third day. Absolutely the best outdoor experience to date. 
Monday, November 06, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
My new food blog
Food not only harness my life but it completes it. Woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning obviously and decided it might be nice if only I had a food blog. Bring it on Kylie Kwong!
Have a go at my recipes and lemme know how you went:
http://iplayfire.blogspot.com/
Have a go at my recipes and lemme know how you went:
http://iplayfire.blogspot.com/
Rain!
At last! Rain!
Its almost sad that I connect rain with specific memories - what I was doing last time it was raining, that time when we went to the gallery it was raining, the chalk writing on the footpath is finally washed off...
That gingery smell of wet bark - the warm "chill" in the air coupled with the smell rising from the earth, grey dots filling the concrete, the distant sound of thunder running up to my chest from my feet.
The drip on my forehead, the dry grass sticking to my bare feet, under the black bucketing sky.
This smells like home, and when you are home you run outside and dance like crazy like there's no tomorrow. Dance! Rain! Dance!
Friday, October 27, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Two Conspicuously Illuminating Dreams
Last night after we chased the giant blow fly that was on a verge of an ecstacy overdose out of the bedroom at 3am, I dreamt that I was Al Gore's intern, and got a very big tell-off by him for wearing jandals (thongs) in his White House office.
The night before, I dreamt that I arrived fresh at Monash University. I scribbled my name down on a piece of sign-up paper in the student union, only to find out it I accidently nominated myself on Student Exect and ended up being voted the Events Coordinator for the entire Orientation Week and the rest of the year. I skipped my first Exect meeting and was travelling in a Charlie&the Chocolate Factory type lift at 100km/hr, listening to a Professor of Physics (Bold and greying, tall and thin, naturally with red rimmed glasses) explain the equation which powers this box.
The night before, I dreamt that I arrived fresh at Monash University. I scribbled my name down on a piece of sign-up paper in the student union, only to find out it I accidently nominated myself on Student Exect and ended up being voted the Events Coordinator for the entire Orientation Week and the rest of the year. I skipped my first Exect meeting and was travelling in a Charlie&the Chocolate Factory type lift at 100km/hr, listening to a Professor of Physics (Bold and greying, tall and thin, naturally with red rimmed glasses) explain the equation which powers this box.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Cat sitter FAQ
(T & I are going sailing)
Who the hell is he?
His name is Shiner. Its because the pattern on his left eye implies that he had been given a “shiner” (Australian colloquial language for a black-eye) in his mother’s womb by his siblings. He just turned 19 last month and really likes to Meow & likes to be cuddled as often as he can persuade you to. He is an easy going fellow but you should put him outside if the meowing gets out of control.
How many times a day does he get fed?
Three. Once in the morning when he gets up, once again late in the afternoon between 4 – 6 pm, and then once again in the late evening before yourself or he goes to bed. He loves water so he would be grateful if you refill his water bowl upstairs and next to his bed if they get empty.
What does he eat & how much does he eat?
He prefers to eat things that are dead but if an insect provokes him he will take them out.
Usually he eats mushy cat food as he has no teeth. He eats one single cat food packet per meal, or 1/3 can per meal, which amounts to about 1 full can a day. He can be given biscuits as snacks outside those hours but not as meal food as he has a gentle stomach.
Has he got any medical conditions?
Yes. We think he might have or had a brain tumour which caused him to have two known minor seizures in the last winter, but he’s been fine for quite a while and its very unlikely that it will happen. In the unlikely chance of this happening, he would have a short collapse but would go back to normal (walk around and eat etc) after 30 or so seconds. If he has a seizure but returns to normal then we will take him to the vet on our return. If he does not return to normal & stays unconscious please take him to the vet ASAP – see separate emergency numbers/addresses. If they ask about the outstanding bill tell them we’ll fix it up when we get back. (bastards.)
When and where does he sleep?
He is probably sleeping as we speak. He sleeps around 20 hours a day anywhere that’s warm and soft. At night he sleeps in the laundry downstairs, he has a choice of three beds as he has outlived his other two mates. This prevents him from being outside and beating up the possum/younger cats and vice versa. He can be let out of the laundry in a reasonable hour in the morning, and let roam inside the house during the day if no-one’s there.
What about his toilet habits?
He is actually quite good with that. Since our other cat Milly passed away he has not once pissed or shat inside the house. What a good boy. He relieves himself either in the garden or his poo box in the laundry, if the doors are shut and he looks at you wearily beside the door that means he needs to GO! Leave the door to the staircase open cos he will take himself downstairs or outside via the cat door. Don’t worry about cleaning or moving the poo box unless you really want to. If it stinks you can put it outside during the day or use the air-deodorant on the window sill.
The thing to remember is: “If in doubt, let him out”.
THANK YOU!
Who the hell is he?
His name is Shiner. Its because the pattern on his left eye implies that he had been given a “shiner” (Australian colloquial language for a black-eye) in his mother’s womb by his siblings. He just turned 19 last month and really likes to Meow & likes to be cuddled as often as he can persuade you to. He is an easy going fellow but you should put him outside if the meowing gets out of control.
How many times a day does he get fed?
Three. Once in the morning when he gets up, once again late in the afternoon between 4 – 6 pm, and then once again in the late evening before yourself or he goes to bed. He loves water so he would be grateful if you refill his water bowl upstairs and next to his bed if they get empty.
What does he eat & how much does he eat?
He prefers to eat things that are dead but if an insect provokes him he will take them out.
Usually he eats mushy cat food as he has no teeth. He eats one single cat food packet per meal, or 1/3 can per meal, which amounts to about 1 full can a day. He can be given biscuits as snacks outside those hours but not as meal food as he has a gentle stomach.
Has he got any medical conditions?
Yes. We think he might have or had a brain tumour which caused him to have two known minor seizures in the last winter, but he’s been fine for quite a while and its very unlikely that it will happen. In the unlikely chance of this happening, he would have a short collapse but would go back to normal (walk around and eat etc) after 30 or so seconds. If he has a seizure but returns to normal then we will take him to the vet on our return. If he does not return to normal & stays unconscious please take him to the vet ASAP – see separate emergency numbers/addresses. If they ask about the outstanding bill tell them we’ll fix it up when we get back. (bastards.)
When and where does he sleep?
He is probably sleeping as we speak. He sleeps around 20 hours a day anywhere that’s warm and soft. At night he sleeps in the laundry downstairs, he has a choice of three beds as he has outlived his other two mates. This prevents him from being outside and beating up the possum/younger cats and vice versa. He can be let out of the laundry in a reasonable hour in the morning, and let roam inside the house during the day if no-one’s there.
What about his toilet habits?
He is actually quite good with that. Since our other cat Milly passed away he has not once pissed or shat inside the house. What a good boy. He relieves himself either in the garden or his poo box in the laundry, if the doors are shut and he looks at you wearily beside the door that means he needs to GO! Leave the door to the staircase open cos he will take himself downstairs or outside via the cat door. Don’t worry about cleaning or moving the poo box unless you really want to. If it stinks you can put it outside during the day or use the air-deodorant on the window sill.
The thing to remember is: “If in doubt, let him out”.
THANK YOU!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
L's World "i stopped counting": Bare feet driving
Last night I drove from Warramanga to Narrabundah through Hindmarsh Drive (80k) in pitch darkness in Templeton's giant automatic, in bare feet. Call me the stig.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Maybe Makybe
My attempts at fortune at glory at the annual Canberra Times Fun Run
once: 1:06:23 - September 2004
twice: 1:03:47 - September 2005
three times: 1:00:04 - September 2006
If any one can bottle adrenalin, they should.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
A few clarifications
Just in case you googled yourself into my site when looking for stories about the 8 year old West-Papuan boy called Wa-Wa who supposedly is under the threat of being eaten by his tribe "in the next ten years", well, it ain't me.
I really can't speak on his behalf despite sharing the same name, and I am pretty unclear on
exactly what the circumstances exactly of his life or welfare, but I'd still like to take this opportunity to say what a fuck wit twit Naomi Robson is and that Today Tonight is the lowest form of entertainment any one would ever come across. Nevermind all the misquoting and misleading editing they do all the fucking time esp about Muslim Australians, and the numerous times she'd been caught by Media Watch for doing whatever unethical business they are doing.
Australians, BOYCOTT THIS DISGUSTING PROGRAM!! Its not "current affairs" its not even gossip, its complete tripe that is keeping bogans of this nation bogans.
Oh, poor little Naomi gets kicked out by an authoritarian terrorist tolerating model-jailing drug-mule executing government for snooping around without prior permission. I can just imagine her squeeling. Serves her bloody right.
Of all the pressing issues you can investigate in West Papua, like their ongoing independence struggle against Indonesia, asylum seekers that Australia SENT BACK to face whatever Indonesia wants to do with them, the generl impoverishment of the area, the arms and drug trade, illegal logging and HIV/AIDS coming out of their ears etc etc etc, instead you go do a story another network has already done... on CANNIBALISM?? Several anthropologists/etc experts already says its not something they practice anymore, they only do it to each other's tribes not their own etc etc, the initial report was not even investigating cannibalism to start with, bumping in the the little boy was a side thing. To sensationalise Papuans as "savages" is reenforcing the ignorant and xenophobic and neo-colonialist attitude Australians has towards anyone who's not white and speaks English. As sad as it is for any one to die and their human rigthts violated, Cannibalism is not a systematic issue. Genital mutilation, domestic violence, forced conscription is - and millions more die from this much much more frequently than isolated cases of cannibalism. For fucks sake why isn't she going around saving kids from killing themselves in refugee camps or jumping off a leaking boat.
Oh, and did any one ask her to tick against "Indonesian Values" she identifies with on the visa card before they let her in? She failed? How unjust!!
I really can't speak on his behalf despite sharing the same name, and I am pretty unclear on
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exactly what the circumstances exactly of his life or welfare, but I'd still like to take this opportunity to say what a fuck wit twit Naomi Robson is and that Today Tonight is the lowest form of entertainment any one would ever come across. Nevermind all the misquoting and misleading editing they do all the fucking time esp about Muslim Australians, and the numerous times she'd been caught by Media Watch for doing whatever unethical business they are doing.Australians, BOYCOTT THIS DISGUSTING PROGRAM!! Its not "current affairs" its not even gossip, its complete tripe that is keeping bogans of this nation bogans.
Oh, poor little Naomi gets kicked out by an authoritarian terrorist tolerating model-jailing drug-mule executing government for snooping around without prior permission. I can just imagine her squeeling. Serves her bloody right.
Of all the pressing issues you can investigate in West Papua, like their ongoing independence struggle against Indonesia, asylum seekers that Australia SENT BACK to face whatever Indonesia wants to do with them, the generl impoverishment of the area, the arms and drug trade, illegal logging and HIV/AIDS coming out of their ears etc etc etc, instead you go do a story another network has already done... on CANNIBALISM?? Several anthropologists/etc experts already says its not something they practice anymore, they only do it to each other's tribes not their own etc etc, the initial report was not even investigating cannibalism to start with, bumping in the the little boy was a side thing. To sensationalise Papuans as "savages" is reenforcing the ignorant and xenophobic and neo-colonialist attitude Australians has towards anyone who's not white and speaks English. As sad as it is for any one to die and their human rigthts violated, Cannibalism is not a systematic issue. Genital mutilation, domestic violence, forced conscription is - and millions more die from this much much more frequently than isolated cases of cannibalism. For fucks sake why isn't she going around saving kids from killing themselves in refugee camps or jumping off a leaking boat.
Oh, and did any one ask her to tick against "Indonesian Values" she identifies with on the visa card before they let her in? She failed? How unjust!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
Beattie vs Greer
"Beattie adds 'stupid' to Greer backlash"
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,20365256-2,00.html?from=rss
er, when did over-exaggeration of public grief take over tolerance of a sober, and reasonably formed personal opinion? Oh, I get it, state election time, and you're picking on a child-less hairy raging feminazi. Who's 'stupid' and hiding behind "politically correct clap trap" exactly?
Clive Hamilton's piece in SMH hits the spot. Death becomes an excuse to savage "elites" - now that's nasty the pollies are milking this whole Steve Irwin thing big time, don't for one minute think that they are truly "sad" for it all, except for that fact that Steve Irwin won't be buying land off them and doing the state's job of conservation instead. or to call John Howard the greatest leader alive. *chunder in the land down under*
Personally, to me its a bit like picketting at Joh Bjelke-Peterson's funeral, like, you're making a valid point but at a cheap-shot kind of timing makes it just look a little bit not that cool, but its not like Germain Greer is the one to bite her toungue on anything. What I love about Germain Greer is her guts to say what she thinks, when ever she thinks, she shocks and she challenges, she picks up a deluded population masked by spin and systematic brainwash, and shake them about and bring them to the realisty of some pretty "inconvenient truths" to coin that other bloke, and thats what takes the message home, and I fearlessly defend her just for that.
Score Board- Greer:1, Beattie:1, Freespeech: Nil.
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,20365256-2,00.html?from=rss
er, when did over-exaggeration of public grief take over tolerance of a sober, and reasonably formed personal opinion? Oh, I get it, state election time, and you're picking on a child-less hairy raging feminazi. Who's 'stupid' and hiding behind "politically correct clap trap" exactly?
Clive Hamilton's piece in SMH hits the spot. Death becomes an excuse to savage "elites" - now that's nasty the pollies are milking this whole Steve Irwin thing big time, don't for one minute think that they are truly "sad" for it all, except for that fact that Steve Irwin won't be buying land off them and doing the state's job of conservation instead. or to call John Howard the greatest leader alive. *chunder in the land down under*
Personally, to me its a bit like picketting at Joh Bjelke-Peterson's funeral, like, you're making a valid point but at a cheap-shot kind of timing makes it just look a little bit not that cool, but its not like Germain Greer is the one to bite her toungue on anything. What I love about Germain Greer is her guts to say what she thinks, when ever she thinks, she shocks and she challenges, she picks up a deluded population masked by spin and systematic brainwash, and shake them about and bring them to the realisty of some pretty "inconvenient truths" to coin that other bloke, and thats what takes the message home, and I fearlessly defend her just for that.
Score Board- Greer:1, Beattie:1, Freespeech: Nil.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
STOP PRESS
This is a general note to all my 1.5 readers -
I think my quest to become blog queen of the century has been slightly interrupted (but probably died miserably as has my quest to complete a marathon before 40 and conquer Everest before 50). I have no time to do this blog and I am in no mood to do this blog. There's actually heaps going on in my life but at the moment its kinda quite crap.
Life is pretty aweful, as I said, just as I thought things had gotten better with a brand new job and a new goldfish... Two of my closest and faithful companions - Milly my aussie cat and Cupes my kiwi cat both died this monday on opposite sides of the Tasmin. Its a bit of a double whammy and I have not felt so physically and mentally disempowered for about 3 years. I've also had to travel interstate for work with a cold, but thank chemist-god for pseudoephredrine. I haven't had much sleep and my eyes are blurry from all the crying, and being a little worried about Templeton as well, having to let Milly go - he's such a gentle and loving boy. I will devote some time to their memory when I am able to do it next, but I just want you to know that there's just a little bit too much going on at the mo for me to write shit.
Sometimes, I think about how pathetic one's life is, being upset about the price of bananas and only having one cat left and plants not being watered, when there's like bombs dropping from the sky and crops not sprouting out of the groud for the 10th consequetive year and icebergs melting around you and all that even crappier stuff. Storms are often in tea cups, but hey, if you're stuck in a tea cup what can you do?
But adventures in L's world is as smooth as the DFAT carpark, in case you are wondering.
I think my quest to become blog queen of the century has been slightly interrupted (but probably died miserably as has my quest to complete a marathon before 40 and conquer Everest before 50). I have no time to do this blog and I am in no mood to do this blog. There's actually heaps going on in my life but at the moment its kinda quite crap.
Life is pretty aweful, as I said, just as I thought things had gotten better with a brand new job and a new goldfish... Two of my closest and faithful companions - Milly my aussie cat and Cupes my kiwi cat both died this monday on opposite sides of the Tasmin. Its a bit of a double whammy and I have not felt so physically and mentally disempowered for about 3 years. I've also had to travel interstate for work with a cold, but thank chemist-god for pseudoephredrine. I haven't had much sleep and my eyes are blurry from all the crying, and being a little worried about Templeton as well, having to let Milly go - he's such a gentle and loving boy. I will devote some time to their memory when I am able to do it next, but I just want you to know that there's just a little bit too much going on at the mo for me to write shit.
Sometimes, I think about how pathetic one's life is, being upset about the price of bananas and only having one cat left and plants not being watered, when there's like bombs dropping from the sky and crops not sprouting out of the groud for the 10th consequetive year and icebergs melting around you and all that even crappier stuff. Storms are often in tea cups, but hey, if you're stuck in a tea cup what can you do?
But adventures in L's world is as smooth as the DFAT carpark, in case you are wondering.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Truc's Quarte Quart Cake
A quarte quart, also known geekily as the "maths cake" is a classic, rich and dense french cake (close enough, Truc is French Canadian Vietnamese...) where you use exactly the same weight for the four main ingredients - ie. crack eggs first and weigh it (as its the weight least easy to control), then use exactly the same amount in grams for flour, sugar and butter. you can therefore control how big you want your cake to be depending on how many ppl you are feeding etc. Whisk it all up - add your flavouring ie cocoa powder or pulped up orange, cream, shredded coconut etc and ice as you please. All easy in the hood!
3 years in a Leaky Boat
Three years ago, on the 14th of July 2003, I came to Australia with a 20kg backpack and a doubtful mind. It could be sung out like the My Way kareoke number, or sewn out like the Citizenship Quilt, or just given a rant on m'blog.
This is the second time I've "immigrated", but probably the 20th time I've "migrated". I am from a line of people with boat blood, its natural to have a home that is constantly floating under your feet. Changing your environment is ultimately good for you, I believe this through and through. I appreciate the things that Australia makes me think about, and contribute to my accumulating wisdom. I think most of all its about understanding this landscape and a whole different way of relating to life and the world beyond homes gurt by sea. I've travelled to some amazing corners on this seemlingly endless land. I've seen the good, bad and the pure ugly.
I could have, but have not, taken out PR or citizenship. To be completely honest, and absolutely no offence to my closest aussie friends or my spouse, people here needs to have a good look at themselves here and ask themselves why they have let the Howard government manipulate, murder, cheat and lie to them for ten years and not twitch one bit. Why do they keep tolerating intolerance, ignoring ignorance, turn a blind eye with all this muslim bashing, double standard attitude towards people from other cultures. I simply do not want to be called Australian, yet.
Yet the larrikinism, the laid back black humour just that bit more exaggerated and bit more shamelessness than back home in New Zealand is just that attractive. They are better drinkers, and better fucks. *sorry!!* They have a less serious identity crisis than New Zealand or Taiwan, and certainly don't need to put pride on just one sport... But giiioooorrrd, that annoying accent???
In a nutshell, the Aussie Lingo I've managed to understand are:
- Doona - equivalent of duvet, a thick blanket stuffed with synthetic fibre or cotton or wool or feathers depending on how rich you are (in the ascending order I mentioned)
- Chunder - to spew
- Eski - chilly bin, I think its an unPC reference to the Inuit people
- dacks - track pants. John Howard Dacks are green suit with yellow stripes
- m'ticker - my heart
- A Doris - a parking spot closest to the entrance to a mall (newest addition)
Aussie Lingo I've not got:
- Buckleys/ Buckley's chance: what the?
- Bloody Oath
- ACCC
- The great Australian bite
- Drop bears
Anyway, seriously, its been a fun ride, and its good to not to feel too involved either. I feel lucky that Australia and I are able to embrace each other at a pace we are both comfortable with. I am not sure if I will still be here to see my fifth Canberra winter, I can and will jump ship when prompt, but if I do stay, it would be my pleasure if it will have me. *-)
This is the second time I've "immigrated", but probably the 20th time I've "migrated". I am from a line of people with boat blood, its natural to have a home that is constantly floating under your feet. Changing your environment is ultimately good for you, I believe this through and through. I appreciate the things that Australia makes me think about, and contribute to my accumulating wisdom. I think most of all its about understanding this landscape and a whole different way of relating to life and the world beyond homes gurt by sea. I've travelled to some amazing corners on this seemlingly endless land. I've seen the good, bad and the pure ugly.
I could have, but have not, taken out PR or citizenship. To be completely honest, and absolutely no offence to my closest aussie friends or my spouse, people here needs to have a good look at themselves here and ask themselves why they have let the Howard government manipulate, murder, cheat and lie to them for ten years and not twitch one bit. Why do they keep tolerating intolerance, ignoring ignorance, turn a blind eye with all this muslim bashing, double standard attitude towards people from other cultures. I simply do not want to be called Australian, yet.
Yet the larrikinism, the laid back black humour just that bit more exaggerated and bit more shamelessness than back home in New Zealand is just that attractive. They are better drinkers, and better fucks. *sorry!!* They have a less serious identity crisis than New Zealand or Taiwan, and certainly don't need to put pride on just one sport... But giiioooorrrd, that annoying accent???
In a nutshell, the Aussie Lingo I've managed to understand are:
- Doona - equivalent of duvet, a thick blanket stuffed with synthetic fibre or cotton or wool or feathers depending on how rich you are (in the ascending order I mentioned)
- Chunder - to spew
- Eski - chilly bin, I think its an unPC reference to the Inuit people
- dacks - track pants. John Howard Dacks are green suit with yellow stripes
- m'ticker - my heart
- A Doris - a parking spot closest to the entrance to a mall (newest addition)
Aussie Lingo I've not got:
- Buckleys/ Buckley's chance: what the?
- Bloody Oath
- ACCC
- The great Australian bite
- Drop bears
Anyway, seriously, its been a fun ride, and its good to not to feel too involved either. I feel lucky that Australia and I are able to embrace each other at a pace we are both comfortable with. I am not sure if I will still be here to see my fifth Canberra winter, I can and will jump ship when prompt, but if I do stay, it would be my pleasure if it will have me. *-)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
GRIPE!!! #2
What absolutely fucks me off on a Thursday morning is:
a) The cat (Shiner, I know its him) has confused the kitty litter and my fucking wardrobe, and pissed all over the pants I want to wear to work today
b) The FUCKING bus breaks down and you stand at the freezing bus stop (Canberra is a fine minus 5 degrees today) for 20 minutes, decide to get the next bus and have a coffee instead, and the bloody cafe is understaffed and they bring you the coffee 15 minutes after you order it, you have 2 more minutes to get back to the bus stop for the next bus, so you gulp down the coffee and BURN yourself
c) My bladder infection has decided to come back, great, now I'M the cat!!!
FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a) The cat (Shiner, I know its him) has confused the kitty litter and my fucking wardrobe, and pissed all over the pants I want to wear to work today
b) The FUCKING bus breaks down and you stand at the freezing bus stop (Canberra is a fine minus 5 degrees today) for 20 minutes, decide to get the next bus and have a coffee instead, and the bloody cafe is understaffed and they bring you the coffee 15 minutes after you order it, you have 2 more minutes to get back to the bus stop for the next bus, so you gulp down the coffee and BURN yourself
c) My bladder infection has decided to come back, great, now I'M the cat!!!
FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
GRIPE!!
What absolutely frustrates the shit out of me on a Wednesday afternoon:
a) The telephone cord is so bloody old that it curls into a big bundle and every time you pick it up it curls back and you end up being pulled towards the phone set and speaking right next to the number pad. FUCK!$&*&*&**
b) Strangers at the bloody bus stop that wants to know the time or if a bus has been passed, and instead of asking you the bloody question they go first "oh, can I ask you a question??" and I'm like "yeah?" (like, NO!!! YOU CAN'T ASK ME A QUESTION COS YOU'VE ASKED IT ALREADY YOU FUCK WIT!) and they're like "um, have you go the time?". Like FUCKKK!#$^%$#&#%$
Basically yeah, I'm cranky.
a) The telephone cord is so bloody old that it curls into a big bundle and every time you pick it up it curls back and you end up being pulled towards the phone set and speaking right next to the number pad. FUCK!$&*&*&**
b) Strangers at the bloody bus stop that wants to know the time or if a bus has been passed, and instead of asking you the bloody question they go first "oh, can I ask you a question??" and I'm like "yeah?" (like, NO!!! YOU CAN'T ASK ME A QUESTION COS YOU'VE ASKED IT ALREADY YOU FUCK WIT!) and they're like "um, have you go the time?". Like FUCKKK!#$^%$#&#%$
Basically yeah, I'm cranky.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
L's World 2: My first driving lesson
My lovely mate Helen has been waiting forever to put me in the drivers seat and I have been procrastinating forever to avoid it.
But 2 July 2006, aged 26 years, 3 months and two days, just over 11 years from the time I passed my learner's licence test in New Zealand, I am behind the wheel. Earlier in the week the cheesiest smile I've had in years was firmly implanted into a piece of green plastic, and I am licenced (again). Herrahhh. I know its lame but I just can't help but pulling it out of my wallet at parties.
2pm came and I had to seriously kiss templeton goodbye properly before we left the house just in case its the last time I'll ever see him and the cats ever again... I was prepared to reck the shit out of Helen's car either by underestimating myself or over estimating myself.
The first time the car moved all happend too quickly for me. We were in a driveway of a factory (closed on sunday ofcourse) and there were two walls on either side which looked like they were running into me rather than the other way round. My shyness and brashness collided between my feet and the pedals. What the hell am I suppose to do? I press to light and the car doesn't move, and I press to hard it gets grumpy and as if it would shoot out of the driveway 200 Ks an hour... Stalling the car is like having a pretty violent hickup and I was told promptly that it would be a fact of life for the next few months. And what the fuck is with the crazy handbreaks - its like having too many veto powers in a democracy. Hearing my heart pound and my own fast panting while being completely stationary reminded me of the last time I was in an operating theatre on local anasthetics - using up fat stores without moving an inch. Finally upgrading from the laneway to the open road was a mixture of feeling daunted yet eager. Not sure if its an Asian thing or not but keeping to the left is actually quite difficult... and crossing paths with another L driver was a bit of hoot - neither of us were mentally or physically capable of acknowledging one another with eye contact or a friendly jesture to say "hey man, we rock."
It was like losing my religion. Full of uncertainty, letting go of the comforts I knew all my life up till today, grasping that bit of courage, forgetting the shame. So assuring, liberating, bursting through. Not ever going back.
But 2 July 2006, aged 26 years, 3 months and two days, just over 11 years from the time I passed my learner's licence test in New Zealand, I am behind the wheel. Earlier in the week the cheesiest smile I've had in years was firmly implanted into a piece of green plastic, and I am licenced (again). Herrahhh. I know its lame but I just can't help but pulling it out of my wallet at parties.
2pm came and I had to seriously kiss templeton goodbye properly before we left the house just in case its the last time I'll ever see him and the cats ever again... I was prepared to reck the shit out of Helen's car either by underestimating myself or over estimating myself.
The first time the car moved all happend too quickly for me. We were in a driveway of a factory (closed on sunday ofcourse) and there were two walls on either side which looked like they were running into me rather than the other way round. My shyness and brashness collided between my feet and the pedals. What the hell am I suppose to do? I press to light and the car doesn't move, and I press to hard it gets grumpy and as if it would shoot out of the driveway 200 Ks an hour... Stalling the car is like having a pretty violent hickup and I was told promptly that it would be a fact of life for the next few months. And what the fuck is with the crazy handbreaks - its like having too many veto powers in a democracy. Hearing my heart pound and my own fast panting while being completely stationary reminded me of the last time I was in an operating theatre on local anasthetics - using up fat stores without moving an inch. Finally upgrading from the laneway to the open road was a mixture of feeling daunted yet eager. Not sure if its an Asian thing or not but keeping to the left is actually quite difficult... and crossing paths with another L driver was a bit of hoot - neither of us were mentally or physically capable of acknowledging one another with eye contact or a friendly jesture to say "hey man, we rock."
It was like losing my religion. Full of uncertainty, letting go of the comforts I knew all my life up till today, grasping that bit of courage, forgetting the shame. So assuring, liberating, bursting through. Not ever going back.
Monday, June 26, 2006
L's World 1: The Edge of Reason
The rain has dried and the crops are dying. Then the snow fell. She wept as they took her horses to the next farm as she could no longer afford to keep them. She feels trapped in her winter wonderland, the servants and chauffers sent off to work elsewhere. The frost under her feet has stretched for more miles than her delicate feet could cope. The time has come for the Baroness to find another mode of transport.
I just spent $130 and a weekend with 15 year old pimply boys stuck in a run down smokey room in Woden having speed-kills-don't-drink-don't-this-don't-that drummed into my head. I know its not drummed in their heads cos most of them spent the weekend doodling pictures of Ren and Stimpy - or whatever they watch these days - on the course book.
Apparently we are the most priviledged state in the entire Australian federation to be chosen to go on a pilot program of compulsory road safety course before we can get our L's. Sure I can understand that you should know this stuff before you go on the roads, but a whole weekend?? and with that GIT with the handlebar mustache that is so patronising and so annoying to be have to listen to hour after hour, using ridiculous metaphors like driving is a lottery that is full of black tickets with names - like death, permanent brain damage, jail, etc etc, and we are about to fill in more names on those black tickets (fine, if you use it once, but for every subject??); if those tax payers dollars to fund the recouperation of Melanie's injuries would be transferred onto one dollar bank notes and pile up, you know how high? as high as Mount Everest, you know how high Mount Everest is? that's how many bank notes it takes to look after her for the rest of her life. You want that? Do you think your mum, your dad and brothers and sisters, your cousins and the dog next door would want that? No, no, no. Not an Everest worth of bank notes. What the fuck?
All I am glad for is that there are actually a few other people who have left their Ls as late or if not later than I have. There's a 30 year old from Melbourne that has taken trams her entire life till she joined the public service here, and a 45 yo star wars fan that's never had a problem taking buses for 20 years from Isabella Plains. I remember how annoying those adult students were during my undergrad years who would sit at the very front of the class and answer all the questions (and get them right) and ask all the questions (and get them right as well). Fuck I feel like one of them when the kiddies on my table glanced up from their doodling at me as if I was a WEIRDOOO when I questioned the gender analysis of road fatalities in Australia 2001 - 2005. Well at least I'm not starting a carpet-laying apprenticeship next week cos I DROPPED OUT OF YEAR 10!!!!
I politely let the younger ones through the knowledge test before me. The computer that I was going to use for my knowledge test breaks down, and so does the next one and the next one. The entire system shuts down and the GIT has a bit of a breakdown (does he do this when he drives too?). I repeat what I always knew in my head. To err is human; to fuck things up big time requires a computer. And bureaucracy is a mistake of a mutant produced by the struggle between humans yearning to become computers.
I start to write another letter to Jon Stanhope in my head (NB: international readers - he's the fearless leader of our magnificent Territory/minor kareoke celebrity who sports a crew cut), and find myself doodling a picture of a snow flake in the course book.
How rediculous, she thought. The Driving Baroness!?
I just spent $130 and a weekend with 15 year old pimply boys stuck in a run down smokey room in Woden having speed-kills-don't-drink-don't-this-don't-that drummed into my head. I know its not drummed in their heads cos most of them spent the weekend doodling pictures of Ren and Stimpy - or whatever they watch these days - on the course book.
Apparently we are the most priviledged state in the entire Australian federation to be chosen to go on a pilot program of compulsory road safety course before we can get our L's. Sure I can understand that you should know this stuff before you go on the roads, but a whole weekend?? and with that GIT with the handlebar mustache that is so patronising and so annoying to be have to listen to hour after hour, using ridiculous metaphors like driving is a lottery that is full of black tickets with names - like death, permanent brain damage, jail, etc etc, and we are about to fill in more names on those black tickets (fine, if you use it once, but for every subject??); if those tax payers dollars to fund the recouperation of Melanie's injuries would be transferred onto one dollar bank notes and pile up, you know how high? as high as Mount Everest, you know how high Mount Everest is? that's how many bank notes it takes to look after her for the rest of her life. You want that? Do you think your mum, your dad and brothers and sisters, your cousins and the dog next door would want that? No, no, no. Not an Everest worth of bank notes. What the fuck?
All I am glad for is that there are actually a few other people who have left their Ls as late or if not later than I have. There's a 30 year old from Melbourne that has taken trams her entire life till she joined the public service here, and a 45 yo star wars fan that's never had a problem taking buses for 20 years from Isabella Plains. I remember how annoying those adult students were during my undergrad years who would sit at the very front of the class and answer all the questions (and get them right) and ask all the questions (and get them right as well). Fuck I feel like one of them when the kiddies on my table glanced up from their doodling at me as if I was a WEIRDOOO when I questioned the gender analysis of road fatalities in Australia 2001 - 2005. Well at least I'm not starting a carpet-laying apprenticeship next week cos I DROPPED OUT OF YEAR 10!!!!
I politely let the younger ones through the knowledge test before me. The computer that I was going to use for my knowledge test breaks down, and so does the next one and the next one. The entire system shuts down and the GIT has a bit of a breakdown (does he do this when he drives too?). I repeat what I always knew in my head. To err is human; to fuck things up big time requires a computer. And bureaucracy is a mistake of a mutant produced by the struggle between humans yearning to become computers.
I start to write another letter to Jon Stanhope in my head (NB: international readers - he's the fearless leader of our magnificent Territory/minor kareoke celebrity who sports a crew cut), and find myself doodling a picture of a snow flake in the course book.
How rediculous, she thought. The Driving Baroness!?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Melbourne June 06
I am in Melbourne for a worktrip, and have scored perfect time with the long weekend to stay on for some shopping and catching up with mates.This city is so murcky and bleak in the winter it really can be quite depressing if not for the smell of coffee and vietnamese noodles drifting into the streets. The view infront of me is a smudge of grey, and its chilled into my bones. The air particles feels like flakes of ice, condensing on the tip of my nose. My little cold is not appreciating this at all and I've been on strepsils and pseudoephredrine to keep me running.
Hopping inside a tram is like being surrounded by a bed of amber. These old classic style ones glow with the dim lights and the wooden seating. Young women in coats and boots texting away, old men in burets with their walking sticks, blokes in stubbles and hoodies talking about shakespearian deaths, and me, bewildered clutching a tram map, hands full with bits and pieces of shopping, food, a big bunch of flowers for my lovely hosts. This is so Melbourne, you can't feel like this any where else in the world.
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