Dr Moreau's Other Island

Today I took a very "interesting" (call me the queen of understatements) bike trip to Texel Island (pronounced Te-ssel) in the North Sea, about one and a half hours train and ferry ride away from Amsterdam. Texel is only 25kms long and 9kms wide, and has a very dynamic geography, ranging from pristine white sand beaches, wetlands, woods, farms and you guessed it, tulip fields. What I in fact discovered was a deep dark secret hidden inside this seemingly carefree retreat for the retired and communing Dutch.

Weird Sheep
Everything was lush, open, flat (great for biking, just check out the parallel bike lanes all over the island), colourful and wholesome till I bumped into this lot here. At first in the distance they looked like pigs, but at closer examination they appeared to be sheep. But they have a body oversized and bloated like a bulldog and donkey legs. What freaked me out was that they don't "BAHH", they "CLICK", like crickets.

Could this be some sort of fucked up scientific experiment being conducted here while the rest of the nation is stoned? I mean, I grew up in New Zealand and live next to Mystery Creek of all places, I HAVE SEEN WEIRD SHEEP BREEDS, but not like this. This is making me extremely suspicious of the businesses which the locals carry on here on a self contained island with controlled ferry terminals.

Over-friendly locals
People wave to me as I bike past, as if I am a long lost friend. Even the ones doing really busy jobs like selling sausages. No body, I mean, no body not even the hippies in Amsterdam says hello to me. I believe they are all part of Dr Moreau's secret army, trying to make me let my guard down. Never underestimate Country Bumpkins.

The Secret Launch Pad
I FOUND IT! This is so it. Dr Moreau type character most likely launches secret submarines and spy ships from this unnaturally looking pier sticking out of the sand. Its covered by seagull shit and seaweed as a disguise. When no one's watching the beach most likely splits into two and his big vehicles will come rolling out. The rubbish truck over in the left transforms into satellite detectors by night. Just look at the dodgy way the rubbish man wears his bandanna. Bet hes not even bald. These changing rooms here? That's actually breathing holes for his secret planet.Dodgy Gnome Collection
Wow how cute are these? NOT!
Honestly I tell you, the owner of this garden goes around stealing gnomes from backpacker hostels all over Europe just to put them in his garden. Then it makes perfect sanctuary for the REAL gnomes posing as plastic gnomes hiding there during the day. I know cos one of them made a funny face at me while I wasnt' looking. Its that sleezy one in the right corner. If you look closely his eyes actually follow you then he reports all your activities to Dr Moreau. Don't trust any body, even if they sit in the garden just looking cute.

Random Mounds In The Wheatfield
Easy, Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) hidden in hay.

And to distract myself from my worries, again
Despite being completely freaked out by the going-ons on this crazy as island, I still had a fantastic time biking around checking out the strangely charming country side and enjoyed some good local cuisine. Eg. some Dutch Almond Torte and then a bloody AMAZING salted herrings next to the fishing village. They salt it while out at sea then the fish mongrels skin them and serve it raw with fresh onions and pickles. Yumcious Dumpcious. Just don't try pash anyone. Its the current "in-food" apparently, going through some backlash against fast food and return to tradition and culturally significant staples I hear.

I AM THE HERO but THE REAL CHAMPION IS YOU
Yep, dobbing these guys in to the Terrorism Hotline when I get home, leave it to the experts I think is the best strategy. I personally can't see myself merging from those ripples in a bright orange bikini strapped with machine guns for example. I hope they confiscate all that salted and pickled herrings and give it to me as a reward. Save the free world and our way of life as we know it and get a feed as well. Bonus!!