Hedwig And The Silent H

Hedwig is the main character from the musical Hedwig And The Angry Inch , a hermaphrodite who only has one inch of the penis left from a botched amputation, and was a lead singer in a transgender band touring the world.

The consonant H in Portuguese is always silent, and so is the performer of a lip sync number.

...........

So two fellow travelers in my dorm aged 19 and 20 takes me out to a street party in Barrio Alto (Portuguese for old town) the Bohemian part of Lisbon to relived my long lost youth as a hopeless fag hag. Wellington New Zealand. The venue was Pound. The year was 2000. The name was Bondage. James Bondage.

I saw a little bit of myself at that age in both of the delightful young people in town with me tonight. Greg from Newcastle Australia doing his OE thing would like to be the Crocodile Dundee type adventurer but is over cautious and has deep inhibitions about being too creative. Rosie - sweetest little girl I've met ever, from the surfy island in north pacific just turned 19 at midnight, maturity and openness beyond her years yet has a bewildered innocence about her, and is as pretty as her name.

A shot of tequila, a piss weak sangria, and a pretty good caipirinha later, we meet some warm, worldly but crazy locals celebrating little sister's 21st birthday. Joao- a real estate agent who used to manage a jungle lodge in Monzambique who hates his food being flown in on a plane so moved back, Pedro 1 - a tourism student, addicted to facial hair, Pedro 2 - lived in Australia and now is a fishing adviser, Mariana - a manager of a gym who starts work at 1pm everyday, Maria - birthday girl and tourism student who loves baked cod, Miguel - accountant with shaved head. Joao takes the guests through the political history of peaceful resistance and world domination in Portugal. And then "Would you like to come to a fun fun show?"

We ended up at the real after party, a drag queen lip syncing competition at the local gay bar. There's only mens toilets so some lipstick lesbians guarded the door for me because, despite being the most over-utilised and under-maintained body fluid depository I've seen since Christmas Eve 05 in Bangkok, there are still about ten red and gold singlet clad gym bunnies pushing to get in. Greg freaks out as his bottom's been pinched but the 60 year old Portuguese grandfather wearing braces across his beer belly whistles on. The dance floor in this shabby little stone house looks like it will crumble any time, but I trust it because its seen a lot more than I have. The 3.30am show starts and an hour later we were cheering for Sandy Jones, the novice, on I'll Never Love This Way Again, and the MC dressed like an obese Dame Edna with a large growth on her chin.





The dark staircases on the way home looked like many many letters of H, as silent as the night, if my ears aren't ringing like the school bell.

Ahhhhh. Portugal.